Tell us a little about yourself
Conscious Elderhood Retreat - Ghost Ranch, Abiquiu, New Mexico
I was born on the East Coast in the 1950’s, moved with my family when I was two or three to the West Coast and raised in Southern California with an older brother and two younger sisters. I would classify my upbringing as stereotypical suburban middle class and most of my early experiences fell into this category until I was 14 when we moved to the Netherlands. I attended school there for two years. To get to school I walked a half mile, took a bus, then a train, and then walked some more to get to my classes. This was a transformative time for me. Back then most kids were in scouting - I was as well and became an Eagle Scout - where I learned self-reliance and caught the travel bug. Coming back to California was a rocky transition for me. Our family moved within our small town of Pacific Palisades five or six times so I never really had one place I remember as home in the traditional sense. In college, I studied philosophy as an undergraduate, attending three colleges and then studied architecture as a graduate student at three more colleges. Did I mention I dropped out of college for a year and hitchhiked around Europe? I’m not sure if Hugh Prather’s Notes to Myself or Ram Dass’ Be Here Now impacted me more or less - I suspected they both did - it was an interesting time for me - the 1970’s.
In between my undergraduate degree in philosophy and master of architecture I lived at Lake Tahoe in the Sierra Nevada mountains working at a ski resort for 5 years, moving from stockroom assistant to manager of the day lodge on the ski hill. I was also married during this time - one of the happiest periods of my life - Vicki and I were together for forty-five years. We did a lot of living in the ten years before we had children - Vicki was a talented artist continuing to perfect her craft and I was training to become an architect. We lived in many places in Northern California, Southern California, Massachusetts, New Mexico, back to Southern California and then Texas, where we raised our two children - Tyler and Alex - both born in California. We were in Texas for about twenty-five years before returning to California. I worked throughout my formative years in various jobs during high school, college and summers in between.
For me, there is much to cover and I am still harvesting my experiences. Another perspective of my story - my professional career - is on LinkedIn. Vicki and I were explorers together - seekers of new experiences engaging us physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. These pursuits contributed to our well-being through thick and thin times. What I learned with Vicki continues to guide me - she was and will always be my North Star. As varied as the places I have lived - so too are the jobs I have had - I did not work for any one company for more than five years. A nomad back then - a nomad in his elder years now.
While Tyler and Alex were growing up they spent quite a few summers at Ghost Ranch with Vicki along with her mom, sisters and their children. Tyler’s experienced her Rite of Passage at Ghost Ranch when she was 16 - while Alex - 13 then - spent three weeks at the ICA Rite of Passage program in Olympia, Washington run by Stan Crow. Vicki’s mom Jean, who is now 96 years old - in the same time frame - became a certified Sage-ing Circle facilitator based on the practices outined in From Age-ing to Sage-ing by Zalman Schacter-Shalomi and Ronald S. Miller. The stories of Alex, Tyler and Jean are impactful for me when they were in the moment experiences and important moments in my life now. During this same time period I trained at the Institute of Cultural Affairs (ICA) taking Technology of Participation certification courses in Group Facilitation Methods, Philosophy of Participation and Participatory Strategic Planning.
My work life has been fulfilling - 40 plus years of varied experiences - I have retired twice and gone back to work after each retirement - only this time I have a different awareness and see a transition each day from just getting old to becoming whole and complete. I spent years practicing my vocation, facilitating and guiding others in my professional role that now has been turned back to myself - as if looking in a mirror to harvest my experiences for me and to impart to others. My intent was - and still is - to be a catalyst for change in myself and in others. Which brings me to this story.
It seems so simple writing about this trigger for change and yet it was a difficult time for me. I hurt my back - not an uncommon occurrence due to my active lifestyle and I always recovered to continue with whatever it was that caused the pain - except this time it would not go away. I can remember as if it was yesterday - one of the specialists I saw said to me “it might be time for you to be less a driver and more a passenger - it might be time to get help for the heavy lifting” which in due time I realized was both a teachable moment for me and a life lesson for growth. As passengers we do not readily give up our autonomy or feel we will forfeit our right to choose - we just have more presence of mind, body, spirit and emotion and less need ‘to do’ so others can help - allowing ourselves ‘to be’. I had been looking “out there” for so long in my coaching, teaching, and work accomplishments - this simple moment made me realize it was time to work on myself - listen to my own voice. I was ready to harvest the gifts of my life and chart the cycles of my life by writing about them.
My story continues as I learn and grow. I do not want to lose sight of the fortunate position I am in - to harvest my experiences at this point in my journey. It is a gift. Vicki’s passage from the physical realm to the spiritual in 2019 continues to teach me about the wonders of the present moment - to go to sleep each night without regrets and awaken each morning thankful and full of joy - because - if you do not wake up - how will you know? In August 2024 my older brother died and now I learn more about life from this experience.
I am also writing stories on Storyworth - a gift from my children to capture a myriad of experiences and thoughts from the October of my life.